>> SHELETTA: PHEWWWW, THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE.

I MADE IT JUST IN TIME FOR MY SEGMENT.

WHEN "ALMANAC" PRODUCERS CALLED TO TELL ME IT WAS MY TURN TO DO A MONOLOGUE, I HAD TO TAKE A MOMENT TO RETHINK MY COMMITMENT TO THIS SHOW.

I MEAN, IT'S A 15-MILE TRIP FROM MY HOUSE TO THE TPT STUDIOS, AND GAS PRICES IN COTTAGE GROVE ARE AROUND $4.30 A GALLON.

THAT MATH AIN'T MATHING!

BUT CATHY WURZER VOUCHED FOR ME 20 YEARS AGO AND TOLD EVERYBODY I'D DO A GOOD JOB IF THEY PUT ME ON TV.

AND I DON'T WANNA DISAPPOINT HER.

MY GIRLFRIEND.

SO I FIGURED I'D BETTER FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.

I DROVE TO HASTINGS WHERE THE PRICE OF PETROL IS ALWAYS A PENNY OR TWO LESS.

BUT WHEN I PULLED UP TO THE PUMP, THE STICKER SHOCK WAS STILL THE SAME.

THE PRICE OF GAS GOT ME MAKING LIFE DECISIONS.

DO I REALLY LOVE THIS JOB?

YES, YES, I DO.

SO I PLANNED TO RIDE MY DAUGHTER'S BIKE TO SAVE A FEW BUCKS.

SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA, RIGHT?

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SPRING DAY IN MINNESOTA.

WRONG!

IT OCCURRED TO ME THAT I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO RIDE A BIKE GROWING UP.

AND WHEN MY POOR NEIGHBOR NEXT DOOR, MR.

PHIL, TRIED TO TEACH ME A FEW MONTHS AGO, IT DIDN'T END WELL.

>> STEP OVER.

>> OKAY.

>> THERE WE GO.

YOU CAN PUT YOUR BUTT UP THERE.

>> DON'T LET ME GO, MR.

PHIL!

>> YOU'RE RIDING, THIS IS IT!

>> [ SCREAMING ] I WAS RUNNING OUT OF OPTIONS AND TIME.

SO I WENT TO GOOGLE MAPS AND FOUND OUT IF I PUT ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER, I COULD BE HERE IN FIVE HOURS.

OR I COULD JUST ASK MR.

PH