- [Jeff] Welcome to Healthy Minds.

I'm Dr. Jeff Borenstein.

Everyone is touched by psychiatric conditions either themselves or a loved one.

Do not suffer in silence.

With help, there is hope.

Today on Healthy Minds.

- For me, it's very much a passion that I've been speaking about it for 30 years.

And now, especially, I think it's so important.

You know, when I started acting, there was somebody who said to me that don't tell anybody you're bipolar 'cause no one's gonna hire you 'cause they're gonna think you're gonna go crazy on the set.

So I didn't talk.

I didn't tell anybody.

If you're feeling emotional, if you're not sleeping, your mind's racing, you feel like lot of stuff inside and you're thinking it's weak to get help, here's what I say.

Do not feel that way.

I haven't a hundred percent done it yet, but I'm finding a way to be proud of it.

I'm already proud of being bipolar.

Trust me, I talked to everybody about bipolar.

Hi, I'm Maurice Benard, I'm bipolar.

- [Jeff] That's today on Healthy Minds.

This program is brought to you in part by the American Psychiatric Association Foundation, the Bank of America Charitable Gift Fund and the John and Polly Sparks Foundation.

Welcome to Healthy Minds.

I'm Dr. Jeff Borenstein.

Today I speak with Maurice Benard who shares what it's like to live with bipolar disorder.

He tells us how, in addition to treatment, the support of his family, his children, his parents, and especially his wife Paula, how important they have been to maintaining his health.

Maurice, welcome.

Thank you for joining me today.

- It's an honor to be here.

- I wanna start off by asking what's it been like for you to speak so openly about your experiences with bipolar disorder?

- For me, it's very much a passion that I've been speaking about it for 30 years and now, especially, I think it's so important.

You know, when I started acting, there was somebody who said to me that, don't tell anybody you're bipolar 'cause no one's gonna hire you 'cause they're gonna think you're gonna go crazy on the set.

So I didn't talk, I didn't tell anybody.

And then one day I decided to do this article in this soap magazine.

And I got a letter from this kid who said that because of what he read about me, it helped him get through his brother's suicide.

His brother had taken a gun and killed himself.

And I said to myself after that, I don't care if anybody hires me or not, because I'm bipolar, I'm gonna help people and I'm gonna continue to help people and that's what I've done.

- And you certainly have, it really has an impact for you to speak out about your experiences.

- Yes, because like, you know, I always think about this.

I don't know a lot of the research or the specifics about why this medicine or that, I'm not you.

But what I do know is what I've lived.

And by speaking, like what we're doing right now, the awareness is for me the most important thing.

- I'd like you to tell me a little bit about the beginning of when you first developed symptoms of bipolar.

- Yeah, you have to understand I was 21 years old, I didn't know what was happening.

There was a lot of things that were strange.

Like I remember jumping in a swimming pool with my clothes on.

I remember being able to read people's mind and I could, I'm not joking, I had my friend in front of me.

I said, Jeff, his name was Jeff.

- Okay, small world.

- Yeah, and I said, I know what you're thinking.

He's like, come on man.

I said, think of something.

Think of something else.

I said the exact thing he was thinking about.

He goes, you're scaring the hell outta me man.

So he went to the room, but there were a lot of strange things happening.

And my mom and dad didn't know.

I didn't do drugs.

I didn't drink.

So what could it be?

So one night I told my dad that I was the devil and I heard my mom in the kitchen on the phone.

I said to my dad, I said, is she calling the cops?

And he said, no, no, the doctor.

Well, the doorbell rang and I opened the door and my mom says she'll never forget the way I looked at her, and it was the cops.

And I looked at her like, you betrayed me, right?

Little did I know I'd be playing a mafia guy for 30 years after that.

And the cops came in, it happened to be a friend of mine from school who's a cop now but they couldn't do anything 'cause I, then I became normal.

What are you guys doing here?

Oh no, we're just fighting.

My mom, you know, meanwhile, my dad's got tears in his eyes.

My mom's got tears but he couldn't, the cop, you know, he couldn't do anything so he left.

Well, the next morning is when they took me to the county hospital and then all hell broke loose.

- And that really began the, you having treatment for bipolar?

- Yeah, you know, when I first got in there they didn't know what I had.

They thought first drugs, drinking.

They thought I could have a virus in the brain.

They didn't tell me it was bipolar.

They never, no one knew bipolar then anyway, it was manic depression.

- Right.

- So I remember being in there, doing strange things in there and yelling at people and then finally they were gonna admit me and they wanted me to write my name.

Well, I wrote Rick Madrid because this is what this acting coach gave me as a stage name.

So I didn't write my real name.

So then they had to grab me, big guys, and throw me into the room.

And I told my mom and dad I was the exorcist 'cause it's like, I always say for me, when you're going through this, it's like the devil and God fighting each other.

And most of the time God wins but obviously, sometimes he, the devil, wins.

So when I was in there, a lot of it was that.

A lot of it was God and the devil.

- You've been in treatment.

Tell me a little bit about how you're able to maintain your health.

- Well, the thing that saved me with bipolar is that I take lithium and you know, when I was in the mental institution for two and a half weeks, no one ever said what was wrong with me.

I ended up escaping, which was interesting, but nobody could say, well, what is going on?

So I met this doctor and he's sitting down, question, he's doing this, and at the end was the greatest two words I've ever heard, he said, you're bipolar.

No, he didn't say that.

He said, you're manic depression.

And I said, well, what is that?

He goes, no, you'll be able to, we'll get you out of this.

- And so you had a diagnosis, a name to what you were going through and the idea that help is on the way.

- Yes and my problem is that for, you know, twice I had stopped taking lithium and twice I've had a nervous breakdown.

So I've had three nervous breakdowns, but I've been breakdown free for 26 years.

Why, 'cause I stay on my medication.

I work out, I do what needs to be done.

The only thing that gets me now and I've had depression, major depression, but that doesn't happen.

What's getting me now is anxiety.

- And how does that manifest itself?

- Oh man, it's like a monster that's creeps up.

I say, I do this thing called State of Mind every Sunday on Instagram story, and I say, it's like Freddy Krueger and you gotta kick Freddy Krueger's ass you know.

But Freddy Krueger's right there when I wake up and he is like, I'm here.

And it's just, and you know, I've gotten off two planes.

And that is a, that is so difficult.

You know, I just flew here just for you of course.

- Thank you.

- But that's tough.

- In some ways, often the anticipation of something, the anxiety is greater than once you're actually doing that activity.

- Yes and what I, what does help, 'cause everybody, it didn't help me before because I didn't believe in it, but now I do believe in it, breathing.

When I breathe, breathe, then it's, you know, that's how I get it out.

My problem is, maybe you could help me with this is, is when I'm in that kind of anxiety, I can't sleep because I'm afraid that when I wake up, I'm gonna freak out.

- That, and as you know, sleep is extremely important for everybody, especially in the context of bipolar.

- Yes, sleep.

I know what's going on with me by my sleep.

- In some ways, making sure that your sleep is at a stable level could also help with the anxiety symptoms as well.

- Yeah, yeah.

So I'm on the plane not wanting to go to sleep 'cause I know I don't wanna you know, and sure enough, I went to sleep, woke up, nothing happened, so.

- You mentioned your wife and you're speaking to your wife about it.

I know that she's been an extraordinary support for you.

I'd like you to talk a little bit about that.

- Without crying?

- Either, I'm a psychiatrist, either way.

- Well, my wife, you know, I've been with her for over 30 years and our life has gone ups and downs.

Her life has been tough, real tough, my life tough.

But she's the rock that I, she tells me, there's a great thing that she says, she says, you're stronger than you know.

- A good sentence.

- Yeah, yeah.

And you know, when you got the love of, you got the love of your family, I don't think there's anything better than that right.

- I wanna shift gears to your television family and the part that you play on General Hospital.

One of the key things to me about that part is that you are playing somebody who the character has bipolar also.

I'd like to ask you about that.

- Well, you know, they came to me about a year, I don't remember exactly, but they came to me, it be all right if we used your bipolar as the character, I said, yeah, it's great.

You know, I'm a method actor.

Now, maybe, now I wish they hadn't.

'Cause 26 years of playing this stuff, man.

I mean, there was one time I did like a three, four month run on him being bipolar, you know, him having a breakdown and I'm, since I'm a method actor, I just became this thing.

And by the end of it, I heard my mom and dad speaking on the set.

So I was out there and that and then Paula had to call them and said, nix it, he's done.

And I remember the Sunday, the Saturday night, I woke up and that was the first time I think I had anxiety but I thought I was having a nervous breakdown but it was because of this story.

And I woke up and I said, I think I'm having a breakdown.

And Paula said, no, no, no.

'Cause I was supposed to go to Washington to speak in front of Congress.

That was one of my goals to speak, to do Oprah, which I did, speak in front of Congress and win an Emmy.

And I couldn't, I didn't go.

Paula said you're not going.

Once she said, you're not going, I felt, whew.

- Took off the pressure of that.

- And so I didn't go and maybe one day.

- I think you're making an important point to sort of balance pressure that you put on yourself with other pressures that you have and pressures that you do need to fulfill.

- Yeah, you know, it's funny 'cause there are sometimes that you need to do something to help you.

Like if I'm on a plane one time, she said, nope, you're not, no, you're not getting off.

And then I stayed in, then you know, you could 'cause I need to fly.

I need to do interviews.

I need to, but there are other times where you need to know you've gone a little too far and pulled back and we still have a bit of a discussion about that a lot.

- A little.

- Yeah.

- Pull this way or that way.

- And we produced a movie called "The Ghost and the Whale" where I played bipolar.

I mean I play bipolar everywhere but there was a scene that they wanted me to do more.

I already did so much in the scene.

I thought I was Al Pacino, you know what I mean?

And they're like, not really.

And so I'm like, to my wife, I'm like, I don't know if I can go, step over that.

I don't know.

What if I step, you don't know if I step over that and I don't come back.

And that's when she gives me that line again you're stronger than you know.

So I did it.

- You're able to do it.

- And I did it and she was right.

It was so much better.

I saw the dailies and they were not good, they were boring.

But there are other times I think that I have to put my foot down and say, no.

- What's the role of exercise and other aspects of your life in maintaining your health?

- Well, you know, for me, exercise has always been, I box, I lift weights, I run, and boxing is my main thing and it has to help me.

I eat well, I don't eat a lot of sugar.

I stay in good shape like I said, and sleep is important.

- One of the challenges for people with bipolar disorder and their loved ones is that sometimes a person with this condition doesn't have insight into their illness or doesn't wanna have treatment.

What do you say to a person who's experiencing that or to their loved ones who are worried about their relative who's experiencing that kind of symptom?

- That's interesting you say, because I, this thing I told you that I do, state of mind, I get that all the time.

And I think for the person that is bipolar that doesn't know it, it's very difficult.

I don't know.

I think like what I say to the person that like, say a wife will write and say I think my husband's bipolar, but he doesn't, he doesn't want to get help.

So what I say to them is, is so people can go, wait a minute, I'm listening to something that's hitting me.

Maybe I should get help or maybe I should take someone to get help.

But it's very difficult to figure out a way to get help for anybody with alcoholism or anything like that if they don't wanna get help.

- Right, often even if the person doesn't acknowledge certain symptoms they may be able to acknowledge stress or difficulty sleeping and that could sometimes be a way to get them to at least go seek help for those symptoms.

- Absolutely.

- And then some of the other symptoms.

- Absolutely, that's a good point.

- What was it like for you to write the book where you really are in detail?

- Kind of like this, and then I would cry.

I would talk about this and I would cry and then I would get, and it's an experience.

It's not the most fun thing in the world but it's an experience.

- So when they do the movie of it are you gonna play yourself?

- Interesting, that's a good question because she's already writing the movie and I'm like slow down please, the book, you know, whatever.

So it would be, I would love if it were a movie to have my son play me as a young guy, right.

At 16, 17, 18 years old.

I would play his father and I would play my father and I would do the whole thing.

I'd gain weight, shave my head bald.

It would be fantastic.

And I would talk like, you know, hey Maurice, que pasa, como ta la cosa?

And then we'd figure out other ways to have the other, but we have to find somebody to play Joshua in his thirties you know, another actor.

So it's cool.

We'll see what happens.

- Often people, and you yourself have experienced this, wanna stop taking the medicine.

Tell me about what that's like.

Why would you wanna stop taking the medicine if it's working and what should people be thinking about with regards to continuing treatment?

- Okay, you know, as far as medication lithium, I went off it twice and I'm gonna tell you exactly when I went off it.

First time, it's a long story, but I was major depressed for eight months.

And then I entered this contest called The Most Watchable Man in America," and I won.

Who cares?

- Congratulations.

- And dad made me feel great.

You see, it's just the mind.

That automatically now I'm feeling good 'cause of the, so stop taking my lithium, but what happens?

Stop taking lithium, I had a breakdown like four months later.

But off medication for me is just trouble.

It's not good.

The second time was I did, I played Desi Arnaz in a TV movie and I got this big job and I got off my medication again.

So what happens?

This one lasted two years.

I was alright for two years.

But if you look at signs, you see that there was a lot of darkness in my life.

And I was in a lot of rage and I started General Hospital and three weeks into the job, I had a breakdown 'cause I was off my medication and I quit.

I quit, I said I'm not acting anymore.

Done, can't do this.

But then I, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah came back.

So moral of the story is for anyone, but especially for me, I don't go off my medication.

I just don't.

- You realize the benefits of taking it and the risks of not.

- Yeah, I mean, look, even though I feel like I'm you know, better now, even though I flirt with the idea that I could go off it or at least lower the medication, I don't just because I can't go through another breakdown.

- I wanna just end our conversation with words of advice that you give to somebody watching right now who may be going through a tough time.

What do you say to them?

- I would say if you're feeling emotional, if you're not sleeping, your mind's racing, you feel like a lot of stuff inside and you think it's weak to get help, here's what I say, do not feel that way.

My main thing now is this is not a weak illness.

You have to think of it as being proud of having it because it truly gives you strength and it truly makes you who you are.

I know as a fact that if I did not go through what I've been through because of mental health and bipolar and anxiety and depression, there's no way in hell I would've been able to deal with life.

- So in some ways embrace what you have and have treatment but embrace who you are.

- Get treatment, that's the, look it, if I didn't take lithium, we wouldn't be having this conversation right.

I'd be somewhere just running around, I don't know.

Of course you get your treatment but also feel, it's like anxiety.

I could let anxiety make me feel like, oh, but I'm finding a way to be proud of it.

I haven't a hundred percent done it yet but I'm finding a way to be proud of it.

I'm already proud of being bipolar.

Trust me, I talk to everybody about bipolar.

Hi, I'm Maurice Benard, I'm bipolar.

Anxiety's still a little shaky, but that's, I think that's the key, treatment, finding a way to feel proud about it because it truly makes you who you are.

And that's my slogan for today.

Thank you.

- Thank you for sharing all of that and thank you for joining us today.

- Great.

- Good, thanks.

- Fantastic.

- I'm inspired by the passion that Maurice has for sharing his experience so that other people can also benefit from treatment.

Remember with help there is hope.

Do not suffer in silence, with help, there is hope.

This program is brought to you in part by The American Psychiatric Association Foundation, the Bank of America Charitable Gift Fund and the John and Polly Sparks Foundation.

Remember with help, there is hope.

(melodic music)