- And I told my mother, I say, and I'm crying.

I say, "I almost drowned, I almost drowned."

This is the middle of wintertime, you know?

And she turns to me and she goes, "Well, you didn't."

(laughing) - We had a refugee, big refugee program this summer with some refugees.

We gave 240 bikes.

- When you touch other people, it reduces, there's a biological reason why that's helpful.

- You know, we've been married 51 1/2 years.

- Wow.

- And we got a late start.

(gentle music) - Welcome to "getting dot OLDER," the new TV series where Americans over 50 share intimate personal revelations about aging.

I'm your host, Roberto Mighty.

This series interviews people live and online, and asks everyone the same questions, like, number one, getting older means, and number 21 in the next 10 years.

You can answer these questions on our online survey.

So join us, stay tuned on TV, and I'm looking forward to hearing your story online.

(pleasant music) In this episode, Kevin and Karen recycle bikes to refugees and needy kids.

Charles and Elva share the story of their arranged marriage.

Frank's mom was not sentimental.

Dr. Fernow gives advice on chilling out.

Viewers share answers to our survey.

And our boomer quiz is about the Dodgers legendary southpaw, Sandy Koufax.

(pleasant music) My next guest comes from upstate New York.

He's retired and has three grown children.

Although his parents were financially successful, he struggled in school and followed a difficult path.

- I got a good education from the street because I was on the street all the time.

- Right.

- And I got a good, you know, how I didn't wind up in juvenile court is beyond me.

(chuckles) - Wow.

- But I stayed clean.

I had this, no, my parents taught me, look, this is wrong.

This is wrong.

This is wrong.

You don't do that.

You don't, you know, you don't steal.

You don't kick somebody when they're down.

- Exactly.

- My parents instilled such ethics in me, you know.

- Frank worked in the family business from a young age.

- Well, the joke is, I try to put humor in everything.

All of us, my mother was Dutch, my father was Polish, and we were all born towheads.

Do you know what a towhead is?

- Blonde.

- Blonde.

We're all blonde except, and we're all short.

My father was called Little Joe.

He was the milkman.

- Oh.

- And my mother was even shorter than my father.

So my brother was six foot something with jet black hair.

- Wow.

- So they used to say, well, they can't say it was the milkman because my father was the milkman.

(laughing) So we used to say, it must be the mailman, you know.

- That's great.

- But yeah, my father was a milkman, and he had a dairy, and, you know, right from the cow to the porch.

- Yeah.

- You know, that was my job in the morning.

Five o'clock in the morning, I had to get up pedal milk, put 'em on the porches, five below zero, keep running, keep running, keep running, so I wouldn't freeze.

- Right.

- And then go to school and fall asleep.

- Wow, man.

Whew.

That's, how old were you at this?

What, how old were you again?

- Well, I was driving the truck down the streets at 13.

- Wow.

- And my father would run in and out of the truck delivering the milk.

- Right.

- And then when I got older, I turned 16, I got my own milk route, and I had to pedal that before I went to school.

- Frank uses the word pragmatic to describe his mom.

- You know, she just took life as it comes.

She had to become a Catholic to marry my father.

- I see.

- You know, other than that, I don't think my mother cared.

She was a fatalist.

You know, one time I went into the Mohawk River and I broke through the ice and I almost drowned.

There was nobody just- - Really?

- And I'm hanging onto the ice and I'm drowning, you know?

And I finally made it to the edge.

And I went home, and I told my mother, I say, and I'm crying.

I say, "I almost drowned, I almost drowned."

This is the middle of wintertime, you know?

And she turns to me and she goes, "Well, you didn't."

(laughing) - She was not sentimental.

- No.

I'm crying, I almost died, I'm frozen.

- Yeah, how old were you?

- Oh, probably six, seven.

My parents let us go.

I mean, I'd go away for two or three days.

I'd come home and tell my parents I ran away.

And they'd go, "Oh, you did?"

(laughing) - But you got hungry, didn't you?

You did.

(laughing) - Yeah, we did.

(laughing) - I'd just go to the neighbors and eat.

- There you go.

- Frank did a variety of jobs after graduation, including a stint as a photographer for the Beach Boys.

Ultimately, he settled into a full-time job as a firefighter.

But that career came with a cost.

- Hey, I was in the fire department 22 years and that was like my second family.

- Yeah.

- And nobody knew that I suffered that whole 22 years with depression.

- In spite of the pressures, Frank loved the job.

- I was a great firefighter.

I was a great inside guy.

I was the first one in.

- Wow.

- And, but I, but they wouldn't, if I told them that I suffered from depression, how long would I have my job, you know?

And then I became a deputy chief.

I was a chief, and I was responsible for people's lives and all this other stuff.

And I'd pull myself together, and I'd do my job, and then I'd get back to the firehouse.

We'd clean up.

I'd go to bed and have a panic attack - Man.

- You know?

- Ouch.

- But nobody knew.

Nobody knew.

- Yeah.

- Things got rocky at home.

- Now, you mentioned you have the three kids.

So are you no longer married or?

- No, no.

I pretty much, my ex (inhales) ran away with somebody that was very well off.

She wanted that social life and stuff, and the kids stayed with me.

You know, the kids stayed with me, which was a blessing in one way.

And even though the courts, you know, according to the courts, they could have gone with her.

But they stayed with me.

And I was the mean one.

I was the discipline one, you know?

And I was surprised that they stayed with me, you know?

And, you know, we did everything together.

- [Roberto] Question number 19 is my children are, so would you just talk about your children, please?

- Oh, if I didn't have my children, I don't know where I'd be right now.

But they are what makes me be happy to be alive.

Other than that, I don't feel I have any great purpose, except to enjoy my children and my grandchildren.

- Frank eventually got help for his depression.

We'll hear more from him in an upcoming episode.

But what about you?

Are you a parent who resolved no matter what to provide a different parenting experience for your kids than the one you had growing up?

(dramatic music) - The staff has been amazing with helping finding the right size, the right color, all the bells and whistles.

(pleasant music) (pleasant music continues) ♪ Can't you see that look in my eyes ♪ ♪ We're running out of time ♪ ♪ We're running out of time ♪ ♪ Can you hear it when I talk to you ♪ ♪ There's something going on inside ♪ ♪ I don't know what I got to do ♪ ♪ I don't know what I got to say ♪ ♪ I don't know ♪ (gentle music) - This viewer survey is from Terry, who lives in the Kansas City area and plays the soprano sax in his spare time.

Here's Terry's answer to survey question number one, getting older means.

Terry says, "Getting older means being a positive example to the younger people."

And here's his answer to survey question number 26, my dream job would be.

Terry says, "My dream job would be a food critic, going to different restaurants to sample what's on the menu."

Now, Terry, you might have to stand in line for that gig, but I hope you get it.

Thanks for sharing.

(pleasant music) My next guests, both from Tennessee, first met when she was three years old and he was 10 years old.

As you can imagine, they didn't have much to say to each other.

Our story picks up about 20 years later.

How did you all meet?

(laughing) - Oh, now here's the story.

We were celebrating my aunt's birthday, the two cousins' mother.

And I had not planned to go to their house for lunch or anything, but I was cornered by one of my cousins.

And she said, "Today's mom's birthday," said, "Won't you come have lunch with us and then I'll have my son take you back to school.

I know you have a lot of studying to do."

I said, "Okay."

So I was in the living room looking at the paper, down the floor, reading the Sunday paper.

And my other cousin came in, male, and looked down at me and he said, "Elva, how's your love life?"

(laughing) - Wow.

- I looked up and almost in tears, I said, "It's the pits."

- Oh no.

- I just broke up that week with my longtime college boyfriend.

And I said, "It's awful."

He said, "Well, I have somebody I want you to meet.

He wants to meet you."

And he started talking about Charles.

I knew who Charles was.

I knew his parents, and our families were friends, but I did not know him.

And I thought he was ancient.

I thought he was much, much older.

And why would I be interested in him.

And I looked up at him and said, "What's the point?

You know, what would we have in common?"

- My part of that story was that male cousin of hers was close church friends with my parents, he and his family.

And he would always give me this big third degree about, well, have you found a wife yet?

You know, when are you gonna get married and so forth.

And, and so anyway, he kept harassing me about that.

And then I wrote that cousin and I said, "You know, this cousin of yours that you've mentioned a few times, I haven't found anybody, and in the meantime, so why don't you just introduce me to her when I'm home from Vietnam."

So, in the meantime, he's already setting up.

And that, the first Sunday home we came into church, my parents sat about two pews behind- - My cousins.

- Her other cousins, the female cousin.

And they, my parents and I came in and sat down, and she was sitting with the cousin in church.

And at that time, the cousin turns around and points, you know.

(laughing) - And sends a note back over the.

- Oops, sent a note back over the pew to the other cousin.

And she, meanwhile, she's trying to climb under the pew, you know?

(laughing) But anyway, we had a- - It worked.

- We had a couple of dinner dates and so forth and- - And correspondence.

- Time out.

Just pardon me, one second.

Just kinda, just, I just wanna just get this straight, that you all, there was no use in fighting 'cause your entire families were conspiring to make this happen.

Is that what you're- - Exactly.

- But I didn't know her and she didn't know me.

I guess you would say it's a like an arranged marriage almost.

- Absolutely, that's right.

- But it's been so beautiful.

It was.

I mean, it was better than we probably could have done on our own.

- To make a long story short, Charles and Elva have been together ever since, through 15 different homes, multiple military deployments, civilian life, working in the inner city, children and grandchildren.

Question number 21, in the next 10 years.

(gentle music) - In the next 10 years.

- In the next 10 years, I plan to do whatever I can that I have a possibility of mobility and avoid senility.

So that- - That rhymes.

- to the degree I can.

That I don't know, we still, I don't know, we still know enough about dementia and Alzheimer's to know how much of it is just luck of science, or whether it's medical, or whether it is made worse by choices, or is social, or what have you.

I don't know that we know enough.

And I want to somehow to the degree I can control it not to become, I guess, I can't avoid this saying it, not to become somebody else's burden.

I want to be, have a sense of mobility and openness to keep growing.

- Yeah.

- I hope to keep growing.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- Next 10 years, I wanna make a good bit of money in the stock market.

(laughing) I really do.

- You know- - Despite the ball and the bear thing.

I think she has a possibility of doing that.

- [Roberto] Question number 16, I am most proud of.

(gentle music) - I am most proud of my wife, of having her as my friend.

I remember being in a, for a lunch in a place in Darmstadt, and we were having lunch together, and I was there with my wife.

- Late lunch.

- Late lunch.

And she went to the restroom and came back, and the bartender came down from the bar and he said, (speaking in foreign language) In other words is this your wife or your girlfriend?

And I said (speaking in foreign language) which means both.

- Both.

- Aw.

- And he just couldn't.

How can she both be a friend and a girlfriend, you know.

I mean a wife and a girlfriend at the same time.

Well, she is.

- Well, I guess I'm most proud of our life together, our marriage and, you know, we've been married 51 1/2 years.

- Wow.

- And we got a late start.

(chuckles) - We'll hear more from Charles and Elva in an upcoming episode.

But what about you?

Have you remained single, or are you separated, divorced, widowed, or remarried?

If you got married, was it an arranged marriage, or was it a love match?

And how's it working for you?

(gentle music) People often use phrases like getting into a meditative state, expressing gratitude, and mindfulness.

When I hear these words, I picture someone in a yoga pose, but can a meditative state be achieved by other activities?

I ask Dr. Lesley Fernow about ways to calm down and chill out.

(gentle music) - I'll start with your comments about religion, but I think music is another very important topic.

I think any way that you get into a state of gratitude, no matter how that is, whether you say prayers before you go to bed, or gratitude statements before you go to bed, which is being recommended now, that you say three things you're grateful for each day, and that somehow improves your longevity and your health.

- I asked Dr. Fernow about the power of touch.

- When you touch other people, it reduces, there's a biological reason why that's helpful, which is it stimulates through the production of oxytocin, which is a hormone that's kind of a feel-good hormone.

And that's why holding hands, why couples hold hands.

And that's why people who are hugging are getting, they're getting something out of that physically, biologically.

With respect to other things, dance.

You didn't mention dance, but dance is really wonderful.

And it's not only wonderful exercise, but it allows you in the moment that you're dancing, you are connected with your body, and you are disconnected with your monkey mind, your brain.

(laughing) And I think that, that's true also with music in general.

I play African drums.

I play the djembe and some big drums.

And I play with my husband and a couple of other women.

And when we play, we get in a zone, and you're not thinking about anything.

So thinking.

- We often hear the term mindfulness.

I asked Dr. Fernow what this means.

- I talked about mindfulness and I wanna be clear.

When you are mindful, you're not actually in your mind.

It's not about thought.

And in a way what it is, is about not thinking, but being present with where you are.

And music transforms you, as you described, into a different state where you are not in your mind, you're in your body.

And it also does stimulate your non-dominant hemisphere in your brain.

So when you play music, whether it's piano, or guitar, and/or drums, you're using two hands, you're using both sides of your body, and that requires that you bring in the neurologic pathways on both sides of your brain.

And much of appreciation of music is actually in your non-dominant hemisphere.

So I think all of that's really important.

- Yeah, well, that's great.

Good to hear that.

So a lot of my friends meditate and I feel that, you know, inferior sometimes when I'm in a room with them, you know, they're talking about.

And I feel like, well, I play an instrument.

It makes me feel good.

(laughing) - And you mentioned yoga, your mother doing yoga.

That's another way of, again, in training your brain a little bit differently.

We gotta, what we have to do is get out of this mind bending world we live in.

We live in a very stressful, very mind involved world.

- Yeah.

- And every time you get on Facebook and you start posting, or every time you engage more and more in that, you're actually doing yourself a disservice.

You're better off going for a walk, going to play some music, doing some yoga, whatever it is to get yourself out of that.

- That's great.

I will say that you prescribed that I stop listening to NPR 24/7.

(laughing) Right, and getting upset, and shaking my fist at the radio.

- Exactly.

- Exactly.

We'll hear more from Dr. Lesley Fernow throughout the "getting dot OLDER" series.

(pleasant music) This viewer survey comes from Joy who lives in the Maryland area.

Here's her answer to survey question number 14.

Tell us about an event or transition that made you feel differently about your age.

Joy responded with, "When I made a healthy lifestyle change, I was able to lose weight, I felt better.

I never felt old in the first place, but this change made me feel younger and more active physically."

Sounds great, Joy.

Congratulations and thanks for sharing.

(gentle music) For season two, we've conducted 39 new in-depth interviews with diverse baby boomers coast to coast.

(pleasant music) Just for fun, every season two episode includes a new boomer quiz.

This time with engaging archival images and more questions to test our audience's boomer IQ.

(bouncy music) For season two, we're also introducing exciting new action segments called Boomer Passions.

Each half hour episode will contain one of these original short films, two to five minutes long about the hobbies, pastimes, and passions of Americans after retirement.

- Thankfully, there's places like MSPCA.

- The father often work in restaurants from three o'clock on to midnight.

(mellow music) - To me time, it doesn't mean anything.

- [Claire] Susan, I have your groceries here.

- Oh, I'm so happy with that.

(pleasant music) - For baby boomers, volunteering takes many forms.

From soup kitchens, to homeless shelters, orphanages, to nursing homes, waste cleanups, to animal shelters, and everything in between.

Kevin and Karen live in the Syracuse area.

They are working professionals, outdoor fitness enthusiasts, and longtime volunteers.

Every year they participate in the Central New York Bicycle Giveaway Foundation, an organization founded by Jan Maloff over 25 years ago.

The event collects, repairs, and distributes thousands of free bikes at a local inner city high school.

The recipients include refugees who are resettling in the area, as well as longtime Syracuse residents.

- I recently had a baby and with the money being a little tight, we learned of this, and I thought it was a great opportunity to get the children some exercise during the summer.

We do go to a little camp over the summer, so just good exercise, and something that'll keep them busy, and outta my hair, and out of trouble.

- Ashley likes the volunteers.

- The wonderful staff came over and they helped us.

They kind of asked her, they said, "Hey, this one has a cool bell."

Asked her what kind of color she likes.

The staff has been amazing with helping finding the right size, the right color, all the bells and whistles.

- Kevin helps oversee the process of collecting, tuning, and repairing the bikes.

- I mean, every bike that comes in goes through a safety process.

We put air in the tires overnight.

We'll clean it.

If it needs repairs, we'll get that done.

Often we get bikes that need very little work.

- The bikes are not just for kids.

For many adults, this is their only means of transportation.

Now, I asked Kevin and Karen for tips on organizing bike giveaways.

They stressed that number one, it takes a village.

- There's no question you really need a whole support staff to make this happen.

- In Syracuse, this includes local police departments, houses of worship, nonprofits, and cycling clubs.

For more information, please go to our website.

(pleasant music) (gentle music) (pleasant music) (pleasant music continues) Thanks so much.

Please go to our website and take our survey and let us know if you are interested in doing a video call interview with me.

I am really looking forward to hearing your story online.

(gentle music) (gentle music continues) (gentle music continues) (mellow music) (gentle upbeat music) (bright music)