- If there's anything in your life that, in childhood, that you never were able to do, you can always do it as an adult, you can get fulfilled.

- Now, does lupus go away by itself over the years, or what happens?

- I think it goes away.

The doctor said it doesn't, it just lies dormant.

- I don't have a relationship.

I've been single for approximately six years.

I don't miss it.

- We had no friends who could not accept and love our sister.

- You don't get close.

You get close to other friends, but not to your partner.

(lively music) - Welcome to "Getting Dot Older", the new TV series where Americans over 50 share intimate, personal revelations about aging.

I'm your host, Roberto Mighty.

This series interviews people live and online, and asks everyone the same questions, like number four, "The thing I hate most about my age now is..." And number 17, "My mission statement now is..." You can answer these questions on our online survey.

So join us.

Stay tuned on TV, and I'm looking forward to hearing your story online.

(upbeat music) In our Boomer Passions segment, empty nester, Paula, learns to ride, Adrienne wants people to see beyond her disability, Joanne loves driving, DuAnne talks about her little sister, viewers share revealing answers to our survey, a relationship expert describes the number one reason why marriages get into a cold war.

And our Boomer Quiz is about (clicking fingers) "The Addams Family".

(lively music) My next guest is originally from Texas.

After a long corporate career, she opened a coffee shop, wrote books, and now leads women's workshops, where she plays that drum.

- It's my 75th birthday.

- (gasping) No way!

Wow.

Well, first of all, happy birthday.

(laughing) - Thank you.

- That's great.

I loved that photograph of you and your drum.

Why don't you tell me about that?

- My drums, that's one way I tune in to my internal rhythms.

I play the heartbeat, and it tunes me in.

And I do it with groups to kind of bring us into a circle.

I had to learn to be grounded, (chuckling) so the drum is my way to make sure I'm physically grounded and connected.

- DuAnne is part of a large family.

- And I became the oldest, oldest of six children up in the panhandle.

And Daddy was in the insurance business, so he was successful and kept getting promoted, so we moved all over Texas.

And I got married very, very young.

I say sometimes I lived my life upside down and inside out.

I had three children by the time I was 25, with the same person, same husband.

And I've learned a lot and traveled a lot.

Being a mother so young, I grew up with my children in some aspects.

And I now have six grandchildren and five great-grandchildren.

- Wow.

Lucky you.

DuAnne told me about a special member of her family.

- Now, my sister, I have a sister who's a year younger, and then we had a sister who was Down syndrome.

Her name was Joy.

She lived to be 40, and she taught us all about love.

- Now, you know, I often read this, and would you mind just, for those of us who have not had experience with having a Down syndrome person in the family, what does that mean?

You know, I gotta say, the sort of, often, I hear that statement and I'm a little bit suspect.

I'm not accusing you of being disingenuous, but I often wonder, well, wait a minute now, wasn't it tough in some ways, wasn't it difficult in some ways?

You know, did the child who was different get more attention than the siblings would've liked, and so forth?

So would you please share a little bit about your experience?

And how much younger was she?

- She was seven years younger than I am.

She was born premature.

She was in the hospital for weeks, in an incubator.

When they brought her home, I must have been...

Anyway, I remember carrying her on a pillow.

So we saw her as this fragile child in the beginning.

She never crawled, she scooted.

She rolled, and then she scooted.

And for every time the doctor said, "She will never," somehow, she rose up and did that.

And she outlived my stepmom, her birth mom.

And when when Mother Margaret died, Joy took on this other role.

She became the matriarch of our family.

- Is that right?

- And she was always funny.

My brothers, we just treated her...

They would chase her around with a glass of water, call her, "Jug Butt", 'cause her name was Joy Beth.

We left her on the front porch one time.

We were all in the car, and all of a sudden we looked around and went.

We went home, and she was on the porch, tapping her foot, like, "How could you dare forget me?"

(both laughing) There were so many of us.

She just rolled with the punches, pretty much.

- Great.

Now, did the kids at school pick on her?

At some point, did you have to defend her, and that sort of thing?

- The rule in our family was we had no friends who could not accept and love our sister.

So we had no friends that didn't bring her birthday presents and sing to her.

And you know, that was just our family rule.

You love any one of us, she's part of the deal.

- We'll hear more from DuAnne in an upcoming episode, but what about you?

Is there someone close to you who is different from most other people?

How does that play out in your family?

(upbeat music) - If you want loyalty, get a dog.

- [Roberto] (laughing) What do you mean by that?

- They'll abandon you for a herd of horses in a heartbeat.

- The "Getting Dot Older" series includes expert advice for people over 50.

Our growing number of topics will include medicine, elder care, financial services, nutrition, geriatrics, estate planning, and lifelong learning.

When Bill and Melinda Gates announced their divorce, a lot of people, including me, were mystified.

They seemed to have it all.

I spoke with Dr Polly Young-Eisendrath, a psychologist, psychoanalyst and couples therapist, about why people over 50 get divorced.

- The problem with a long-term prison feeling about your relationship, like you can't leave, is usually that you're in a cold war.

Your war is not hot anymore, you're not throwing plates at each other, but you don't trust each other.

You don't get close.

You get close to other friends, but not to your partner.

Now, many of us, like I grew up at a time when most of the parents were living in a cold war.

I mean, nobody was getting divorced in Akron, Ohio, where I was growing up, certainly not among the Catholics, but there was a lot of cold war, and you could notice it as a kid going into somebody's house.

The chilliness between the two parents was obvious.

It takes a while to melt that, but it can be melted.

I've done it with couples, no question about it.

You have to want the closeness though.

You have to say, "Look, I've been with so-and-so here for 40 years, or 50 years, and I would like to get close."

- I asked Dr Young-Eisendrath about barriers to wanting to be close.

- For most people, the betrayal aspect of relationship does erode the trust, if there's a lot of betrayal.

- By betrayal, doctor, do you mean having sex outside of the marriage, or outside of the relationship, or do you mean something else?

- I mean sex, money, and sometimes other stuff.

Not rock and roll, but you know, other stuff, like kids, things that happen with the kids.

But when it's really a betrayal, it's a break in trust.

It's like there's this experience like, "No more.

I won't believe you anymore."

And when people come to dialogue therapy, when the couples come, in their opening conversation with each other, 'cause I put them into conversation, the number one thing that people say is that, "I can't trust you."

- Did you get divorced, or are you contemplating divorce after a long, long-term marriage?

Please write and tell us about your experience.

We'll hear more about senior relationships in upcoming episodes.

(upbeat music) ♪ Aahh ♪ ♪ Can't you see that look in my eye ♪ ♪ We're running out of time ♪ ♪ Can you hear it when I talk to you ♪ ♪ There's something going on inside ♪ ♪ I don't know what I got to do ♪ ♪ I don't know what I got to say ♪ ♪ I don't know ♪ (lively music) - My next guest lives in Kenosha, Wisconsin.

Adrienne told me several times how much she loves her children and grandchildren.

I asked her survey question number 14.

Can you tell me a story about an event that made you feel differently about your age, a moment that made you feel differently about your age?

- Yes.

I can tell you about an event that made me feel differently about my age.

When I went back to school here in Kenosha, at University Parkside, Wisconsin, Parkside, and I'd go in the classroom, and everybody in the classroom old enough to be my child or my grandchild, including the Professor, I'm like, "Okay!"

(laughing) Talk about a culture shock.

(chuckling) - What did you feel at that?

What did you feel when you walked in and saw all those young people?

- I'm like, "Oh, what have I gotten myself into?"

Ohhh.

I was like, "This is, this is, this is like, 'Lord, you didn't prepare me for this one.'"

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm looking around, see if anybody else is just a tad bit my age.

Nope.

It's just me.

- Adrienne has lupus, a chronic autoimmune disease.

She also has a more visible health challenge.

We talked about the impact on her social life.

- And then, when I lost, when I had lost a leg, it was, guys would treat me differently.

They'd talk to me-- - How did they... How old were you when your leg was amputated?

- Well, we'd be on these dating sites.

They would talk to me, would call me on the phone.

And then I would tell them I was an amputee.

And I explained as to how.

Never heard from them again.

Every single time, never heard from them again.

- And how old were you when your leg was amputated?

- It was back in 2013.

- Fifty-three.

- October 2, to be exact.

- Yeah, 53.

- Yeah.

But yeah, they don't want anything to do with an amputated person, you know, unless they, like, way they put it is they just wanna have fun.

I'm like, "No.

Your version of fun and my version of fun does not include a bed."

It's like, no.

No.

I ain't letting down my morals or my pants for something like that.

Uh-uh.

No.

And they said, "Well, you high... One told me, "You got too high standards.

You could never get nobody."

I'm like, "That's okay.

I'm happy with that."

And disease-free, you know?

I'm like, "Yeah," you know.

- That's huge.

- These guys on these sites, they don't seem to understand that STDs still happen.

AIDs is still out there, along with a whole other new STDs that penicillin just can't get rid of.

- Despite her health problems, Adrienne has a resilient spirit.

I asked her survey question number 16.

Question number 16, "I'm most proud of..." - I'm most proud of, (chuckling) I finished my goal with completing my education.

- Yay!

- Yes!

(both laughing) It took me 42 years, but I stayed focused.

Life got in the way, pain got in the way, tears got in the way, but I kept my eye on my degree, you know, like, "I'm finishing."

- Great.

- Thank you.

- Congratulations.

We'll hear more from Adrienne in an upcoming episode, but what about you?

Have you achieved a goal that it took you years to pursue?

On the other hand, have you given up on a goal that you've had for decades?

Now, why is that?

What got in the way, and how do you feel about that now?

Has some other goal superseded that original dream, or was your original dream just plain impossible?

(lively music) Here's a viewer survey response from Melinda, who is a retired English teacher.

Here's her response to question number 15, "My greatest regret is..." Melinda says, "The worst transition of my early life was when my brother died in Vietnam when I was 11.

He was 21.

My parents didn't deal well with his death.

My family never seemed to recover.

My parents seemed to forget they had other children.

We lived with depression and mental illness.

I'm grateful for every year, but that time has stamped me forever."

Now, Melinda, I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm really sorry to hear your family had difficulty adjusting to it.

Sounds like that was really tough.

But I want our audience to know that you also responded to question number five, "The thing I love most about my age now is..." Now, folks, Melinda answered, "The thing I love most about my age now is I'm still able to share my life with my husband of 42 years.

We enjoy ourselves, children and grandchildren."

So Melinda, sounds like things are going great now.

I'm happy to hear that, and thanks for sharing.

(lively music) My next guest grew up in Albany, New York.

She has four adult sons and loves going out to comedy clubs.

In fact, she and I talked about our favorite comics.

- I went to college after I had my first three sons from my husband.

I went to college, and first, I went into trade school, and I did great in that.

And then I went to Hudson Valley Community College, and I got a Associate's Degree in Executive Office Assistant.

And as soon as I graduated from that, I immediately needed work, so I never actually went into the field.

I immediately started school bus driving.

- Oh, cool!

(chuckling) - And I loved it.

And I did that for years, until it got to the point where it was summertime, and they didn't have summer school work, so I couldn't make ends meet.

So then I went to medical transportation, and by that I mean transporting people to doctor's appointments and grocery stores.

You know, anybody who can't get on the bus, or whatever, you would take them where they needed to go.

And I did that for, oh my god, like 20 years.

- Joanne told me that she loved her job in medical transportation, and misses some of the people she helped out.

Nowadays, she drives part-time for ride hailing and food delivery services, and enjoys the flexibility of setting her own hours.

But I was curious about her family, and asked her what it was like growing up.

- To be honest with you, I've had a hard life.

My mother and my father were divorced when I was young.

My father didn't live with us.

My mother raised us on her own.

My father died when I was 22.

He was only 45.

He died from cancer.

So I've had a weird childhood.

There was three of us in the household, me, my brother and my sister.

I don't ever remember us being together, and that's a small house.

I don't remember us ever being together.

We were always, like, my mother favored my sister.

My brother got the brunt of the, whatever, from my father.

He was always being punished.

And I was just always alone.

And I used to read and listen to music, and I loved going to school, just so I would be somewhere comfortable.

I know it's kinda hard to say all that, but that's true.

So as far as saying, I was like, my parents are...

I can tell you what I'm not like, as far as my parents.

- Yeah, please.

- I love my sons with all my heart.

They are my whole entire life.

I will do anything for my sons.

My mother, of course, would do anything for us.

But my father, he died so young, that it was hard for him to...

He couldn't do anything for us because he's long gone.

But I don't know, it's really, really a hard question.

So I don't know if I can answer that.

But my children are my whole life.

My children are my world.

I live for my family.

I love my family with all my heart.

- Well, it sounds like your children are very lucky.

(chuckling) - And I'm very lucky.

I'm very blessed by them.

Yes, definitely.

- I wondered if Joanne is dating anyone right now.

- It's not a part of my life anymore.

I don't have a relationship.

I've been single for approximately six years.

I don't miss it.

I don't think about it.

Really, it's not important to me.

- We'll hear more from Joanne in upcoming episodes, but what about you?

What kinds of relationships are most important to you at this point in your life, and why?

(upbeat music) (upbeat music continuing) (gentle music) What is it about horses?

They're just so beautiful.

When I was a kid, I would watch any movie or TV show that had horses in it.

These included "National Velvet", "The Lone Ranger", "Mr Ed", you name it.

I dreamed of someday owning my own horse.

(upbeat music) But now that I'm a senior citizen, I realize that owning anything involves responsibility, money, and time.

(horse whinnying) There's a horse stable nearby, so I asked a couple of riders to tell me what it realistically takes to learn to ride a horse, much less own one.

Russ owns his horse, and boards her at a local stable.

I asked Russ if being 72 years old is an issue in horse riding.

- Not really.

You know, this keeps you in pretty good shape, all in all.

I remember seeing a woman years ago who was 85 years old, and I saw her get a step ladder and put it up beside a horse, and hop on and take off riding.

So I said, "Well, I wanna be just like her."

(laughing) - [Roberto] I wondered what it takes to care for a horse.

- Well, first of all, you put all of this time and money, and work and money, and love and money into these horses, but if you want loyalty, get a dog.

- [Roberto] (laughing) What do you mean by that?

- They'll abandon you for a herd of horses in a heartbeat.

- [Roberto] Paula and her husband don't have any pets, and their son recently went off to college.

She's always wanted to ride, so now she takes lessons, volunteers at the stable, and loves to walk her friends' horses whenever she can.

Paula briefly describes what's involved in taking lessons.

- Well, what it entails is to get the proper outfit, clothing.

You gotta have padded... And you have to have boots, you gotta have chaps, you gotta have pants, you gotta have a proper helmet that fits.

And you gotta have a love to learn, and excitement, which I have.

- [Roberto] Tammi Barton owns a 55-acre equestrian center in central Massachusetts.

I asked her if boomers are getting into horses.

- A lot of people are taking it up as their new hobby after they've raised their children and kind of retired, something that they've always looked forward to doing but didn't have the time.

And we have seen a big uptake in your average adult riding, and starting riding is over the age of 55.

- [Roberto] I asked Paula if she had any advice for boomers thinking about getting into riding.

- If there's anything in your life that, in childhood, that you never were able to do, you can always do it as an adult.

You can get fulfilled.

And it's so rewarding, it's so therapeutic, and it's not very expensive.

You can always squeeze it in.

Matter of fact, if you go out to dinner, two people, it's less than that.

So I highly recommend it.

- Famous boomer horse people include Morgan Freeman, William Shatner, Pam Grier, Paul McCartney, and Julia Roberts.

How about you?

(gentle music) (upbeat music) Thanks so much.

Please go to our website and take our survey, and let us know if you're interested in doing a video call interview with me.

I am really looking forward to hearing your story online.

(lively music) (lively music continuing) (lively music continuing) (mellow music) (lively music) (lively music)